It’s true that narcissists will exploit anyone and everyone as long as they can get away with it. But they know that they can get a little bit further with some people rather than others, and so this is why narcissists will test you throughout the relationship, especially early on when they’re getting a feel for who you are and how much they might be able to get out of the relationship.
#1: In the love bombing phase.
The first way a narcissist will test you is in the love bombing phase of the relationship. Now, this is when they will go over the top. They will go above and beyond, and what they’re doing here is they’re testing your eagerness to be in this relationship. They’re testing how much you eat up the external validation and whether you see any of it as a red flag. Because in this phase, it’s nice, and it feels good, but if you’re paying attention, you might start to question whether this person has boundaries or understands boundaries. You might start to question why this person, who you are just getting to know, is all in without fully getting to know who you are or what you’re all about. The early phase of any relationship really should be a nice time, but with a narcissist, it’s a little bit over the top. If you don’t start pulling away here, this is when they’re going to test you even further.
#2: Triangulation.
The next way a narcissist will test you—and you may see this early on—is triangulation. Now, early on in the relationship, this is when they might introduce other people. Maybe they might introduce you to an ex or start talking about an ex, or maybe they’ll just let you know, maybe not in so many words, but they’ll make it clear that they’re attracted to someone else or that they think very highly of someone else. The kind of compliments they’re giving this other person, they don’t necessarily give to you. So, very early on, it’ll just be subtle, and it will start to make you feel that you’re being jealous and that maybe you should change the way you’re behaving. If you pass this test the narcissist is giving you, then they might move on to the next one.
#3: testing your boundaries.
This is when they really start to test your boundaries. Now, this shows up usually a little bit later, and it becomes more apparent when you start having your first arguments. This is when they really start to test your boundaries—when they start to test what you will put up with. And when I say “put up with,” I mean allow without ending the conversation or without having a very serious discussion about where the relationship is going. Because to a narcissist, just voicing that you are not happy with something, or just merely saying that something is unacceptable, doesn’t really mean anything. They need the actions to back it up.
So, you can tell a narcissist all day that you don’t like what they’re doing, but they’re going to keep doing it anyway. This is where they start testing your boundaries to see what you’re going to do about it.
#4: Isolation.
Another way that a narcissist might test you is through isolation. So, this is where they might start pulling you back from your circle of friends. They might do this in a way that makes you feel special and makes you feel like they want all of this one-on-one time with you, or they might spin some tales and make it seem like the people in your life are really against you or start some drama to cause trouble between you.
#5: The silent treatment.
The silent treatment is another pretty big test that the narcissist might throw in your path. Now, this is a very passive-aggressive way to behave, but they will shut you out whenever they feel that you’ve done something wrong. And with that, they may also threaten to walk away. Even if it’s the smallest thing that’s happened, with a narcissist, you always feel like they have one foot out the door because they usually do. But if you’re not bothered by the silent treatment early on, the narcissist might move on to other tactics or they might move on to someone else who is bothered by it.
#6: Guilt-tripping.
Guilt-tripping is another way that a narcissist might test you. They might try to lay on a guilt trip pretty thick just to see how you’ll react. If they can get you to act in the way that they want you to act, then you’ve passed the narcissist’s test. Another way a narcissist might test you is with jokes at your expense or degrading humor. Again, they want to see how far they can go before you will shut them down. Because in these jokes, they are devaluing you; they are attacking your sense of self and your self-worth. A narcissist is going to want to know how far they can go in doing this because however far they can go is how much they can manipulate you.
#7: Testing your loyalty.
A narcissist may also test your loyalty, and they’ll do this by creating situations where you have to choose between them and someone else. Maybe it’s a situation where you have to choose between going out with your friends and spending time with a narcissist, or it might be something that has to do with your family or job—or maybe all of the above.
#8: Projecting blame.
Another thing a narcissist will do to test you is project blame. They want to see exactly how much you will take accountability for, because when they can brush blame onto you, then they don’t have to take accountability. That’s one thing that’s very important to a narcissist—they do not want to take accountability for anything. So, if they can see that you are ready and willing to take the blame, to take accountability for most things, for more things than you probably should, then you very much have passed this test for the narcissist.
#9: Gaslighting.
Another way that a narcissist will test you is through subtle gaslighting. Gaslighting can be extreme; it can be insidious, and it’s one of the worst things that you can do to a person. But it always starts out gradually; otherwise, it wouldn’t work. If you want to know exactly what that looks like in a relationship, I talk through that in this article here.
Read More: 5 Weird Texting Habits Of Narcissists.
Sharing Is Caring!
