Have you ever been in a situation where someone’s manipulative behavior turned people against you? To be precise, a narcissist charmed their way into making themselves seemingly perfect while simultaneously ruining the image people have of you. Well, you’re in luck. In this article, we’re going to show you how to undo the damage and take back control of your relationships.
Narcissists can be super toxic, using manipulative tactics that can really damage relationships. And there’s a particularly sneaky type we call “flying monkeys.” These are the narcissists who either show up in your life or are already there, and they strategically get close to the important people around you, like your parents, friends, siblings, coworkers, or even those who are just in your network. Then, they eventually begin influencing those people, spreading nasty rumors about you. This is to undermine your support system. The narcissist wants to turn those people against you and switch to their side.
Now, you might be wondering how come it seems easy for the narcissist to do just that, especially when you’ve known those people far longer. Narcissists are those charismatic folks who know just how to captivate an audience and often come across as super sympathetic. So many people get fooled by the facade, not knowing they can be cruel, manipulative, and exploitative. And the flying monkeys are always trying to infiltrate and spread negative stories about you. People believe them because they’re unbelievably amazing at setting a realistic tone to their lies. In fact, you won’t believe how skilled they are at this game.
Here’s an example. Imagine you’re going through a divorce with a narcissistic partner, and you both know each other’s extended families well. Don’t be surprised if your narcissistic ex starts badmouthing you to others in your circle, trying to turn them against you. It’s all about shaking up your support system and making themselves feel more powerful. For you, this might ramp up the self-doubt you’re feeling. Dealing with all that gaslighting in your narcissistic relationship is tough enough, and now people around you start questioning your side even more.
That’s not all. They might bring up old arguments or things that were said between you two but will make you the villain. And sometimes, they’ll even make up complete lies to further the narrative they’ve created. The flying monkey narcissist will go through lengths to make themselves feel powerful and in control. They’ll do whatever they can to make you feel small and insignificant, even to the point of deliberately turning your loved ones against you. Eventually, you’ll see that they don’t really care that they’re destroying your relationships or the impact it has on you. All they care about is their own agenda. And that can be devastating, right? Even worse, it really stings when you realize how quickly and easily a narcissist has manipulated those around you.
After all, this person somehow managed to infiltrate the solid network you had built over the years. Now, it feels like everyone in that circle is suddenly turning their backs on you in the blink of an eye. That’s not all. The impact can really take a toll on you, affecting not just your personal well-being but also how you perform and interact in different parts of your life. At work, it might strain your relationships with colleagues. In your community, it can make connecting with others harder. Plus, it can cause misunderstandings with family, putting a strain on those relationships, too.
It’s no wonder people who get targeted by flying monkeys go through a period full of grief and pain. At the same time, let’s face it: people can be vulnerable, and narcissists are really good at taking advantage of that. This is why they were able to victimize a lot of people, including you and those in your network, but in different ways. But the good news is we can end that cycle now.
So now, let’s talk about undoing the damage of the flying monkey narcissists. We suggest you start by giving yourself some room to feel the emotions that come up and process what’s going on. As we mentioned, when you find out a narcissist is spreading harmful rumors and turning people against you, it really hurts. It’s tough to accept that you’re losing people who were once close to you just because they believed the rumors spread by one person.
When they suddenly ignore your messages, stop answering your calls, or cancel plans and events, it can even make you feel shunned, right? It’s even more frustrating when you’re wondering what really happened and don’t know what the narcissist did just yet. You might blame yourself and start asking questions like, “What did I do? What did I say to upset them? Did I miss something? Was there something big that happened and I didn’t notice it?” The situation can cause you to feel a myriad of emotions, and that’s completely understandable. Take some time to process those emotions and don’t beat yourself up for feeling them.
Next, think about taking a fresh look at your relationships with people affected by the narcissist. Now, it’s important to cut ties with the narcissist as much as you can. But we know that dealing with those whom they’ve influenced can be tricky. Ask yourself, “If they were so quick to turn their backs and believe the rumors about me, were they really worth keeping around anyway?” Honestly, if someone can be easily persuaded to distance themselves from you after hearing just one person’s stories, it really makes you wonder about the strength of your connection.
And if you think about it, why didn’t others tell you about the narcissist spreading lies and ruining your reputation? Because if they really cared, shouldn’t they have talked to you directly instead of just buying into those rumors? Some bonds, like those with family, are irreplaceable and don’t really fit into this way of thinking. But for others, it’s worth taking a closer look. Evaluate their role in your life and figure out if they really deserve to be there after what happened.
Then, once you are clear about whom you want in your life, it’s time to repair things. It’s great if those people will know the truth themselves and take the initiative to repair their relationship with you. But chances are, they won’t know the entire picture until you tell them. Now, we know it seems unfair that the ball is in your court because you’re the main victim in all this. But if you want to save relationships that can be salvaged, and if you feel like it’s worth the effort, then you really have to be the one to reach out.
Aim to handle the situation with grace. Talk to those people and say something like, “I know you’ve probably heard some not-so-nice things about me.” But don’t get into why those things were said. After all, those rumors are irrelevant because they’re not true. Trying to know what exactly the narcissist said about you may just reignite your emotions and make you feel even more upset. At the same time, don’t simply say they’re not true. Instead, tell them something like, “I’m really sorry you had to hear those things. But you know me. Do those things you’ve heard about me sound like something I’d do or match with what you know about me?”
Let them come up with the answer on their own. This way, you don’t have to directly defend yourself or attack the narcissist because that can backfire on you. You can let them see the truth for themselves. And given the history you’ve had with these people, chances are that they’ll probably say, “No. It actually doesn’t sound like you at all.” Also, it’s important to remember that not everyone will hear you out. That’s okay. Let them go and focus on those who are worth your time and effort.
Read More: 5 Ways to Destroy Narcissist’s Control Over You.
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