Sometimes a narcissist will use multiple methods of hoovering in the same attempt because they just need to know what’s gonna stick. If one thing isn’t really working out so well, they’ll try something else. Some of these can be used together.
Today, we are going to talk to you about 10 common ways that narcissists will hoover their targets. We are going bet that, much like me, you have experienced many on this list—at least one… at least three. Let’s get to it!
1. It’s always been you.
They come back and say, “You know, it’s always been you. Maybe I left you for another woman or man, but you’ve always been the one. I couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole time. I need you back.”
2. I miss you, I feel like I need closure.
“I just want to see you one more time. Just one more time. I miss you. I feel like I need closure. Just give me five minutes. Just give me five minutes of your time, and then I’ll be out of your hair.” But then five minutes turns into ten minutes, and then you’re rehashing stuff about the relationship. The narcissist is being super sweet, and you find yourself wrapped up in it again.
3. Come at you with some pictures, evoking sentiment.
The narcissist may come at you with some pictures that you took together. They want to let you know that they’ve been thinking about you. They miss you. They miss what you had together. Naturally, because your feelings are genuine, that tugs at your heartstrings because you do miss that. The narcissist only misses the supply, but you actually miss the person and the bond that you thought you had. So it’s often effective.
4. Drama.
The fourth hoovering technique is drama. Now, not all narcissists resort to this, but for some, it’s their wheelhouse. They might come in and say, “Well, I heard you were saying bad things about me,” or, “I can’t believe it. You’re on this dating site? We’ve only been broken up however long.” They may come at you with some drama if they think they’re gonna get a reaction out of you because that opens the door. But now, when it comes to the dating site, by this point, you probably know that the narcissist already had someone probably before he or she discarded you. If not then, very soon after. You can bet that narcissist had someone else or still does have someone else when they’re hoovering, so don’t fall for it.
5. Approach you with some exciting news.
They may approach you with some news—some exciting news: “Hey, did you hear so-and-so had her baby?” Or maybe some not-so-exciting news: “Oh, our mutual friend’s parent passed away.” If they have information that they can use to get to you, they will. To be honest, even if they’re sure you already know the information, they may still come at you with it because it’s just another foot in the door.
6. The accidental text.
This could be any number of things. It could be a blank text; it could be just an emoji; it could be a message that they meant to send to somebody else, but it found its way to you. This again is to open the door. If this happens to you, by now, I hope you know what to do: ignore it.
7. The fake apology.
We all know that an apology coming from a narcissist is not genuine. They don’t really apologize, so when they do, and it seems genuine, you naturally want to forgive them. You feel like, “Wow, it must have taken a lot for him or her to actually come to me and say that.” Well, it took a lot; it took a lot of acting, is what I think. It’s not genuine.
8. Exotic extravagance out of nowhere.
Another way that the narcissist may try to hoover you is with an elaborate promise. “Hey, let me whisk you off on this exotic vacation so we can reconnect.” Or, “Let’s get married! Seems like a good idea, right? I mean, I just dumped you, but I’m so sorry. I realized my mistake. Let’s just take the plunge and get married.” They’re likely to play on whatever they think you want, so look out for that. If they’re coming to you with something that you’ve always wanted, suddenly—just broke up, and suddenly they’re coming to you with everything you’ve always wanted—be skeptical.
9. The connection.
“Yeah, we just have this connection. We have this bond. I’ve never had this with anyone else, and I just can’t seem to shake it. Maybe we can’t even be in a relationship together, but we’ve got this connection, so we need to hang out.” Yeah, no you don’t.
10. Playing on your empathy.
Number ten is a little bit ironic because they have such an impaired sense of empathy, but they’re playing on yours. “I’m going through this crisis, and I have no one to talk to. I need you. You’re the only one who gets me.” They may be going through a crisis, but you’re not the only one who gets them. Actually, if you have been in this cycle, you didn’t get them at all the whole time because you didn’t know they were narcissistic to that level. Now you finally do get them, but they probably don’t know that. So this is another one: don’t fall for it.
These are the 10 most common hoovering techniques. Now, I want to hear from you. I want to know how many of these you have heard and if you’ve heard any that I didn’t mention. Let me know in the comments below.
Read More: 10 Weird Behaviors of People Abused By Narcissists.
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