5 Ways to Destroy Narcissist's Control Over You -

Throughout the entire course of the relationship with a narcissist, what is that one thing that you struggle with the most? You struggle with the narcissist’s absolute control over your life—over your choices, your decisions, your thoughts, your feelings, your beliefs, your everything. A to Z is controlled by them. They decide how you breathe, how you move, how you talk, how you walk, how you interact with people, who you interact with, what happens to your life, what choices you make, how you obey, how you comply, and how you conform. Basically, they keep you under their thumb all the time.

Which is why when you leave them, when you leave the relationship, you have to break the spell, you have to destroy their control. And that is what we are going to talk about in today’s article.

Number 1: Prioritize yourself and your needs.

In the narcissistic relationship, you were programmed to do two things: one, abandon and neglect yourself and your needs to prioritize the narcissist’s needs; and two, meet their needs anyhow. As a result of this, you have become a person who does not recognize their own needs or has difficulty recognizing their needs or wants. You have been programmed to fulfill other people’s needs—to make sure everyone is okay, except yourself.

There is an adaptation, a change that has happened in your personality, and your focus is always on the other person in the room, to make them comfortable at the expense of your own comfort. So now is the time to reclaim that power, to make yourself comfortable first, which doesn’t mean you have to be selfish. Making yourself comfortable first is not selfish, but they wanted us to believe that. They wanted you to believe that you’re selfish for having needs or for expressing your needs in the first place.

You have to do the opposite of that. You have to take care of your needs. You have to respect them. You have to be the person that you want to be there for you, in the relationship or outside of it. You have to be the person who takes care of their own needs. You have to be the person who respects and honors their identity, and who does everything in their capacity to rebuild their personality.

Number 2: Follow your passions.

A narcissist killed your passion. They attacked that one thing you loved to do the most. You may be a great musician, you may be a great artist, you may have a talent for something, and you may have spent your whole life trying to build a career out of it—or you may be really, really passionate about something. But the narcissist destroyed that because they were jealous of you. They couldn’t take it away from you, so they jumped in and destroyed it because they couldn’t stand the fact that you were so deeply connected with something. They couldn’t stand the fact that you had a purpose, because they had none.

So all of your passions, all of your interests, all of your hobbies, all of your talents have been suppressed. I wouldn’t say they are completely gone or destroyed; they have been suppressed because you had to adapt. You had to forget your talents. You had to forget your passions and your hobbies in order to survive in the relationship, because they were always pointing out flaws. They were always putting you down for doing a certain thing in a certain way.

Now is the time to reclaim those passions. Now is the time to do the same things that you used to do, that you were a master at doing, that you excelled at doing before meeting the narcissist. You have to be passionate about your life. You have to put in your efforts into recreating and rekindling the love for those things that defined you as a human being.

Number 3: Speak your truth.

A narcissist suppresses, rather than kills, your voice. They killed your capability to express your opinions, your thoughts, because everything was questioned. So, you naturally learned to silence yourself. You naturally learned to shut down. You naturally learned to question your own thoughts, your beliefs, and your feelings. Everything became cloudy, and you couldn’t decide right from wrong, which is what the narcissist wanted to happen; rather, they made it happen through gaslighting and manipulation.

But now is the time to reclaim your voice—to reclaim the power to speak up, to speak your truth without the fear of the consequences or repercussions, or of what they will think, what they will say, how it will affect them. It doesn’t mean you have to be brutal or rude. No—speaking your truth is different from that. You can be very calm, you can be assertive, and at the same time, speak your truth. Take a stand for yourself and for what is the right thing.

Now is the time for you to become the person you wanted to have in your life—someone who could speak your truth on your behalf. Now is the time to rebuild that confidence. Now is the time to rebuild that self-esteem—to invest in expanding your self-worth and your self-concept.

Number 4: Make mistakes and make a lot of them.

You know, in a narcissistic relationship—be it with a parent or a partner—they want you to be perfect because of their own insecurities. But you and I know humans cannot be perfect—or, I would say, we are perfect in our own imperfections.

So, make a lot of mistakes. Mistakes do not make you flawed; they make you human. Remember that. The narcissist wanted to keep a tight grip over your choices—over the things you did, and the way you did them. They pointed out mistakes all the time and ridiculed you, humiliated you, belittled you, berated you—and you felt so sad.

They planted a seed of shame in your head: the voice that keeps criticizing you now. And you have to uproot this plant—throw it out—because it’s not yours to carry. It’s not yours to nurture. The shame belongs to them, but they projected it onto you, and you have to throw it out of your system.

You have to reclaim your power. You have to recognize your capabilities, your resourcefulness—your power to be a human being, which they never acknowledged, because they always wanted to be this perfect being: something different, something non-human, something entity-like—which is not practically possible.

Number 5: Assert your independence.

The narcissist wanted you to completely depend on them—emotionally, financially, physically, and in all ways imaginable. But now is the time for you to assert your independence and reclaim it, because you are an independent human being who can support him or herself without the need for a person who was basically a parasite—someone who was feeding on you.

If there was anyone dependent in the relationship, it was them, not you. But you were made to seem like the dependent one. You were made to believe and think that you were dependent, so that they could easily feed on you and blame it on you.

Work on your finances. Work on your emotions. Work on your boundaries, so that no one tries to hurt you the way the narcissist did. Work on your body. Heal it. Heal the problems that you’re facing now, because all of them are rooted in trauma—all of them are rooted in the injuries that you experienced in the narcissistic relationship.

Conclusion: By doing all of this, you will be able to truly reclaim yourself and escape the narcissist’s cage of control for real. Spend time with yourself, nurture yourself, give yourself a gift of healing, and set yourself free, which is the real winning.

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