Have you ever met someone self-absorbed, leaving you empty? You’ve met a narcissist. Narcissists struggle with real connections and genuine exchanges. Despite their charm, there are 12 things they’ll never give.
1. Rational and Practical Advice.
Imagine you’ve got a problem and go to a friend or family member seeking helpful insights. An empathetic person might listen to you, understand your situation, and offer practical advice based on their experiences or knowledge. However, narcissists tend to have a different approach. They are often more focused on themselves and their image than genuinely understanding your situation. Narcissists don’t have genuine empathy to step into your shoes and give you advice that’s relevant to your life.
2. Cell Phone Pin or Password.
Imagine you’re in a relationship with a narcissist. They might not want to share that secret cell phone pin or password with you because they want to keep things under their control. Since narcissists are expert liars, they keep numerous secrets from you. In a healthy relationship, sharing things like a cell phone pin or password can build trust and show that you’re open with your partner. It’s a sign that you care about the other person’s feelings and are willing to be vulnerable. Narcissists might struggle with this because they’re more concerned with themselves and their desires.
3. Constructive Criticism.
Constructive criticism is like getting advice to improve performance, but with kind, helpful, and positive words. It’s like when a friend tells you, “Hey, you did great on that project, but maybe next time you could work on explaining your ideas more clearly.” It’s all about giving hints to improve without making you feel bad. However, narcissists often think they’re the best at everything and want others to believe the same. Narcissists can never offer constructive feedback. Instead of saying, “Hey, here’s how you can do even better,” they might say something like, “You did good, but I would have done it way better.”
4. Bank Transaction History.
When you’re in a relationship with someone—like a romantic partner, friend, or family member—you share things, right? One could be your bank transaction history: like the stuff you’ve bought and where you’ve spent money. But when dealing with a narcissist, they might want to avoid giving you access to their bank transaction history. Narcissists often want to be in charge and keep things hidden to maintain their image or control over you. They might think they’re holding on to power by not sharing their money moves. They might not want to give you the same information because they don’t want you to have any leverage over them.
5. Authentic Attention.
Authentic attention is when someone gives you their complete focus, listens to you without interrupting, and cares about your sentiments. They’re fully present in the moment with you. They’re not just pretending to listen while their mind is wandering off. Narcissists, unfortunately, struggle with this. They might seem to be paying attention, but deep down, they’re usually more interested in themselves. A narcissist may not be the best choice if you’re looking for someone who genuinely cares about you, supports you, and pays attention to your thoughts and feelings.
6. Sincere Apologies.
A sincere apology means being humble and owning up to your mistakes, like saying, “Oops, I messed up, and I’m sorry.” But for narcissists, admitting they’re wrong can be challenging. They don’t like to think they make mistakes. Sometimes they might say sorry, but it feels like they only do it because they have to, not because they mean it. So, it’s often not all that heartfelt when they apologize, or they might even try to shift the blame onto someone else. Instead of saying, “I messed up,” they might say, “Well, you made me do it.” See the difference?
Suggested Book: It’s Not You _ Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People.
7. Shared Vulnerability.
Building a real connection is like building a bridge between two people. Each person needs to put in some bricks of vulnerability; you both share something personal. That’s how the bridge gets stronger. But the bridge is crooked if the other person doesn’t put in those bricks of vulnerability. It’s like trying to walk on a wobbly bridge that is not stable or safe. Shared vulnerability is like a secret ingredient for intimacy. It’s about showing your genuine self with all the good and not-so-good parts and expecting the same from the other person. But narcissists struggle with this. They might be great at showing off, but they often hold back when showing their true feelings or being open about their flaws.
8. Quality Time.
Quality time means spending meaningful moments together, like having a genuine chat, doing fun stuff, or just chilling and connecting. It’s when you’re present and focused on each other. However, narcissists have a one-way street in their minds, with them as the main attraction. They’re so caught up in themselves that they struggle to give you that genuine attention and care you deserve. They can’t provide you with quality time because they’re too busy admiring their reflection. So, don’t expect deep heart-to-heart conversations or bonding moments from them.
9. Space for Individuality.
The space for individuality is something narcissists struggle with because they can’t let you be your true self. They get worried or jealous when you’re all individual and unique. They want to be the center of attention, so they might try to control what you do or make you feel like your coolness isn’t impressive. Healthy relationships are all about giving each other room to be different and supporting each other’s uniqueness, but narcissists are not so good at that and might try to squash your individuality because it doesn’t fit their “me, me, me” mindset.
10. Respect for Boundaries.
When you set a boundary, it’s like drawing a line in the sand that says, “Hey, this is my comfort zone; please don’t cross it.” But for narcissists, that line might be invisible because they’re all about themselves. They’ll step all over your boundaries without even blinking an eye. Imagine you’ve got this friend who’s a total narcissist. They’ll do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if it means barging into your comfort zone. Suppose you’re not cool with them borrowing your stuff without asking. A respectful person would understand that and ask before grabbing your things, but narcissists will snatch it because their needs are the top priority in their world.
Suggested Book: Prepare to Be Tortured: The Price You Will Pay for Dating a Narcissist.
11. Open Communication.
Open communication is like the secret sauce to any good relationship. It’s when you can talk about your feelings, thoughts, and stuff without holding back. It’s all about sharing and understanding each other. But narcissists struggle big time with this. They’re so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t see things from your point of view. They’re all about getting attention and admiration for themselves, so listening and truly understanding what you’re saying is hard for them. And even if they do listen, they might twist your words around to make it all about them, so you end up feeling like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
12. A Sense of Security.
Narcissists’ unpredictable behavior and tendency to put their needs first can leave you feeling insecure in the relationship. Knowing that this feeling of security might be hard to come by is essential. If you’re in a narcissistic relationship, you might find yourself second-guessing things and feeling unsure about where you stand. Remember, a healthy relationship means having mutual trust, understanding, and support. If you’re not getting that sense of security from your partner, take a step back and think about what’s best for you.
Remember, understanding these traits can help you navigate relationships more effectively. If you find yourself entangled with a narcissist, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and consider seeking professional support. Dr. Durvasola advises recognizing the pattern, then setting boundaries. While their behavior might not change, recognizing what’s missing empowers us to make healthier choices in our connections with others.
Read More: 3 Secrets All Narcissists Keep.
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