Ever been around someone who effortlessly dampens your spirits? Those who excel at making us doubt our worth? This article delves into narcissism, uncovering 10 tactics these narcissists employ to sow self-doubt and negativity within us.
#1: Destroying Your Confidence.
Narcissists have this need to feel superior. One way they achieve that is by tearing you down. They’ll say things like “you’re not good enough,” “you’ll never succeed,” or even poke fun at your appearance or the work you do. They’re on a mission to make you doubt yourself and feel unworthy. One of the sneakiest things they do is make you believe their negative comments. They’ll repeat those hurtful messages so often that you start to internalize them. Narcissists are planting these toxic seeds in your mind, and shaking them off is tough.
#2: Trivializing Your Feelings.
Have you ever had a friend or partner who made you feel like your emotions were insignificant or that you were overreacting? That’s what trivializing your feelings means. They’re brushing off your emotions and making you feel like you’re being too dramatic. But guess what? It’s a sneaky tactic called gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone messes with your mind to make you doubt your feelings and perceptions. Narcissists aim to undermine your self-esteem by trivializing your sentiments and making you question yourself. They want to control the narrative and make you doubt your emotions. It’s their way of saying your feelings don’t matter and you shouldn’t feel the way you do.
#3: Withholding Affection.
Withholding affection or love as a punishment. Suppose you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and have a little tiff about something. Instead of discussing it and finding a resolution like normal couples, your partner throws a fit and punishes you for not going along with their desires. One of the typical things they might do is act distant and chilly. They’ll withdraw their affection and love, leaving you feeling unloved and unsure of yourself. Narcissists want you to think you’re not worthy of their love and make you question everything you do.
#4: Destroying Your Passion.
To do anything productive or creative, dealing with narcissists can be draining and demoralizing. They have this incredible ability to suck the joy out of everything you love or aspire to do. Narcissists want to keep you down and prevent you from pursuing anything that could threaten their sense of superiority. They might even project their insecurities onto you, making you doubt your talents and abilities. It is all part of their strategy to control you and make you more dependent on them. Dr. Romani Durvasula, a well-known clinical psychologist, describes narcissists as emotional vampires, draining your energy and self-worth. She explains that they have a relentless need for validation and admiration, and they’ll do whatever it takes to get it, even if it means tearing you down.
#5: Blaming and Projecting.
Blaming and projecting is a twisted game narcissists play to avoid responsibility and make you feel bad about yourself. Psychologists call this behavior externalizing blame, where narcissists externalize their problems onto others. They avoid confronting their flaws and negative traits, preferring to project them onto others. Narcissists have this defense mechanism that helps them preserve their inflated self-image. Here comes the projection part: it’s like they have a projector in their minds that they aim at others. When they see a negative trait in themselves, they project it onto someone else instead of acknowledging it. So if they’re manipulative, they’ll accuse others of being manipulative. If they’re dishonest, they’ll claim others are liars.
#6: Bringing Up Your Past Mistakes.
Repeatedly, psychologists and experts in human behavior suggest that narcissists use this tactic to manipulate and control you emotionally. Constantly bringing up your past mistakes creates a sense of shame and guilt within you. You start feeling like you’re frequently causing problems for others, even if it’s not true. It’s like they’re rewinding the tape of your life and playing those moments repeatedly to keep you feeling down. We all make mistakes because we’re human; it’s part of our growth and learning process. But the narcissist wants you to believe you’re inherently flawed, and that’s just not true. Dr. Romani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert in narcissism, says the narcissist wants you to feel off balance and insecure so that you depend on them for validation.
#7: Labeling.
Imagine finding yourself entangled with a bona fide narcissist. Their words are an onslaught of hurtful labels: loser, failure, stupid, weak, needy. The sting of these words can cut deep. Yet, it’s crucial to realize that these labels are a distorted reflection of their insecurities, not your true self. Psychologists have closely observed the arsenal of defense mechanisms that narcissists deploy, and one of these tactics is called projection. The dynamic at play is like a psychological hall of mirrors. When a narcissist hurls labels like “stupid” or “weak” your way, they’re not commenting on your attributes; they’re unconsciously projecting their deep-seated fears and inadequacies onto you.
This behavior stems from inner turmoil, revealing their intense anxiety about not measuring up or feeling insufficient. In essence, these hurtful labels serve as a smoke screen for their vulnerabilities—a way to deflect attention from their shortcomings by placing them onto others. Understanding the mechanism of projection empowers us to see through the facade of hurtful words and recognize them for what they truly are: a manifestation of the narcissist’s internal struggles. This insight doesn’t negate the emotional impact of their words, but it does provide a shield against their attempts to chip away at our self-esteem.
#8: Dehumanizing.
Narcissists are known for employing a range of insidious strategies to erode your self-esteem, and one particularly potent tactic is their tendency to dehumanize you. In this manipulation, narcissists strip away your humanity, treating you as if you’re beneath them, devoid of worth or even malevolent. This calculated dehumanization serves as a twisted justification for their hurtful actions, as they convince themselves that their behavior is justified towards someone they perceive as lesser.
This manipulation exploits our innate desire for validation and acceptance, leaving us vulnerable to their destructive influence. Recognizing this dehumanization tactic is crucial to preserving our self-worth and thwarting their efforts to chip away at our confidence. Understanding the psychological underpinnings of such behavior empowers us to break free from narcissistic manipulation and cultivate healthier relationships built on respect and mutual regard.
#9: Triangulation.
Imagine you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, and they’re like a master of mind games. One of their favorite tricks is this thing called triangulation. Picture a triangle: you, the narcissist, and some other person in there, like an ex, friend, colleague, or even a stranger. The narcissist compares you to this third person, which can affect your self-esteem. You start feeling like you’re never good enough for them. It’s like emotional abuse, and experts like Dr. Romani Durvasula say it aims to make you feel insecure.
#10: Smearing Your Reputation.
One of a narcissist’s sneaky tactics to make you feel bad about yourself is to smear your reputation. In simple terms, they try to make you look like the villain or unworthy in the eyes of others. They’re spreading gossip or false stories about you to damage your image. Psychiatrists also talk about how narcissists lack empathy; they have difficulty understanding or caring about other people’s feelings. So when they smear your reputation, they might not even realize how hurtful it can be for you. It’s like they’re so focused on themselves that they don’t consider the consequences of their actions on others.
We’ve explored the 10 sneaky tactics narcissists use to make you feel bad about yourself. Recognizing these red flags in your relationships—whether at work, in friendships, or even within your family—is essential. Remember, knowledge is power, and by understanding these behaviors, you can regain control and protect your self-esteem. Set those boundaries and don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.
Read More: 10 Weird Behaviors of People Abused By Narcissists.
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